Archive for October, 2017

Remembering Littles

Monday, October 2nd, 2017

Dear Littles,

…Little Black Kitty, LBK, Littlekins, Cuta-Littles… as with Scruffy, we also had a lot of silly nicknames for you.

You left our lives yesterday, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with. Making that decision was simply impossible, but we wanted to do the best possible thing for you, rather than be selfish. I take comfort in knowing that we stayed with you, holding and petting you, throughout the process. You never left our sides in 17 years; we weren’t about to leave yours.

I remember when you first came into our lives. You fell out of a second story window when you were weeks old. We heard a faint mewing and Mikey ran out to rescue you. How you walked away from that unscathed, we will never know. But you have been inseparable from us ever since. You would curl up at the bottom of our bed, something you had never done prior, and we knew then that we had a furry best friend for life.

You have been through 3 apartments with us, and when we bought the house, it was this amazing experience for you. You tore through the rooms like a mad kitty, unsure of anything that was going on. It was a pretty funny sight. And when you were introduced to stairs for the first time – oh, my goodness. I wish I had gotten some of that on video. But in no time at all, you were a stairs pro, racing me up and down. In fact, one of your favorite spots to chill was the landing at the top of the stairs; you would lay there for hours. That will always be your special place.

I will miss the way you used to look at me when I wouldn’t give you any people food; but then when I was done eating, more often than not, I let you lick the plate clean anyway. I will miss the adorable way you burrowed under blankets when you were cold. I will miss the hilarious way you ran when chasing the laser light. I will miss the way you never tired of cheese, whether it was sliced cheese we sometimes gave you as a treat, or the cheese puffs Mike would feed you. Speaking of eating, I will miss the way you constantly had food stuck to your chin after you got done with your own food. I will miss your cute little tongue that always seemed to make its way out of your mouth when you were sleeping. I will miss the way you used to paw at your ears when you wanted attention. Perhaps most of all, I will miss our little headbutts. Those were our special bond. I will miss our games of hide and seek, you know, when we would come home and you were nowhere to be found, even after we called for you. I think you liked this game because you did it quite a lot. Sometimes I would get scared when I couldn’t find you, and then you would pop out of your hiding spot and mew, as if to say, “Calm down, mom. I’m right here.” I will even miss the little poop nuggets you left randomly around the house, as if those were gifts to us.

You used to love the enclosed porch. You would run out almost every time I opened the front door. You liked to sharpen your claws on the welcome mat, even though you had an actual scratching post. You used to lay on that mat, too, and I never understood how the texture of it could be comfortable to you, lol. When you weren’t there, you were in the corner, under the table. You definitely had your favorite places. I think one of your most favorite places to lay was Mike’s chest. You would snuggle with him for hours. Then you would try it with me, and it wasn’t quite the same…

When you started showing signs of something being wrong, I was in denial. My baby can’t be sick. But deep down, I knew… I knew. The vet said you likely had a cancerous tumor, and given its size and your age, we took the best course of action. The heartbreak was and is unreal. We sat with you for a good, long time afterward. I kept petting you and holding your little paw in my hand, and kissing you and apologizing, and telling you how much I loved you. Then I gave you one last head butt.

This first night was painful. I hated waking up knowing you weren’t right there on the bed with us. And when I walked into the kitchen and saw your food dishes, I just broke down and cried. I cleaned them out and put them right back down, because I am not ready to let go. I may never be. You worked your way right into my heart. You were full of character and love. I will miss you forever. I cannot imagine life without you, but I am so incredibly grateful you were a huge part of ours for 17 years; what a fantastic time we’ve had!

I still find myself closing doors behind me, making sure you don’t sneak into rooms. And I have to fight the urge to say goodbye to you when we leave for wherever. I always made sure to pet you goodbye and tell you to have a good day and that we’d be back soon. It’s hard to break all of these habits, and truth be told, I don’t know that I want to. It’s so quiet around the house now; you definitely livened things up.

I know you and Scruffy are reunited now on the Rainbow Bridge. Take care of each other and spend your days playing and living the life you loved so much here with us. I love you so much, so, so much. I always will. ♥

Love always, your human. ♥